How big to be a real jungle?

Dear family and friends:

First off, I have to say that I am like, really excited by the fact that some of you read this, and even commented at the end!  I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it is so affirming to know that you cared enough to read and even wanted to know more.  I am grateful for your presence (albeit via cyber space) and find it very comforting to know you are there.  Thank you!  I will do my best to make reading this blog worth your time :)

Since I last wrote, I have basically been working pretty consistently with Annie (my co-coordinator, and true to her reputation, an amazing woman) on preparing for the students' arrival.  We've visited four of our five praxis sites -- excellent!  The pace and working style of El Salvador in general, I feel, suit me very much.  Their rhythm is like a breeze off the lake, or a slow, constant summer rainfall that lasts all afternoon.  People come and go, and come back again, in and out, touching base, moving on.  Internet isn't always a surefire way to get a hold of the people you need to get a hold of (though this is slowly changing), so communication generally moves at the speed of call backs and voice messages.  All of this, for right now, is just fine by me.  Compared to the hectic, high-strung communication expectations in the United States, which I completely fall into, this feels like a welcomed and healthy change.

Adaptation in other ways is not as easy, I'm afraid (which, in many instances, is exactly the problem).  Take for example the house where I am staying.  "The Peace House," as it's named, is a guest house right next door to our program Co-Directors, and is for Casa alum and guests to stay, most often free of charge.  It is a wonderful blessing and a privilege to be here.  And, I have two wonderful roommates for the time being - Salvadoran men (Julio and Neto, for those of you who know them!) that I have known for a number of years, and trust dearly.  (One of them actually accompanied me to the store tonight for an emergency purchase of feminine products, as it was too late to go alone -- so grateful!)  Basically, it's a great place to be.  Nonetheless, I live in a state of constant distress due to the fact that the house is surrounded by what I have termed "the jungle."  Now, I am not actually in the jungle, I am in the middle of urban San Salvador.  What I mean to say is that the yard that surrounds the house might as well be the jungle.  Giant trees with roots hanging down from them like veins, leaves the size of my torso, unknown nooks and crannies, and an aura of tropicalness about it.  Given the back yard is fenced in and maybe 1/2 the size of a soccer field, but I'm sure you can see what I mean. When you're afraid, what does scope matter anyway? 

To illustrate this, I live in constant fear of spiders, snakes, giant cockroaches, flying beetles and mostly the unknown crawling out of the jungle and into my bed with me in the middle of the night.  Now to be fair, this fear is not totally unfounded: I have, since arriving, killed two giant cockroaches and found two more floating in the bathroom water of our tiny house, avoided a flying beetle dive-bomb by three seconds (and later found said beetle dying in my closet) and once, two years ago, discovered a snake taking shelter from the rain in my living room.  (Casa Romero students from Spring '07 should remember the latter, vividly)  My challenge is how to coexist harmoniously with the environment of El Salvador, which I was once at least semi-adjusted to and now feel like is full of shadows and anxiety-provoking things. 

I think that this is what pushes me to grow though, always, is the need to move beyond my fear.  I am someone that is paralyzed by fear when I am afraid (which is often) and in those moments the fear just grows and grows.  I am grateful to El Salvador for that: always pushing me beyond my fear.  The fear does subside with time, I think, but only by constantly engaging the courage needed to walk through it.  It's as if there is a finite space towards any given thing, and as as the light around it grows the darkness shrinks. 

The practical application of this?  I am turning on all of the lights in the house when I go to the bathroom tonight :)

Bueno pues, as we say here in El Salvador, I think I am calling it a day for now.  Another thing I love about El Salvador?  10:00pm is late here.  There is something akin to gravity (social gravity, maybe) that pulls you down with the sun which is completely set by 7:30.  The Salvadorans are early to bed and early to rise, and my body is adjusting to the same; another welcomed change.  And plus, the rain just started to fall.  Our second tropical downpour of the day, and an invitation to perfect sleeping weather.  (And also to critters indoors, but we'll leave that in the margins of my conscience.  Remember: Lights!!)

Many blessings and welcomed moments to each of you, wherever you may be!  More soon...

with love,

elizabeth